My Blog‎ > ‎

The Sound of My New Space

posted Apr 24, 2013, 5:38 AM by Suzette Vearnon   [ updated Apr 24, 2013, 5:38 AM ]
Hello Friends, it's hard to believe that it's been 20 days since I last posted.  I've been in a whirlwind.  My book launch was April 6th - woohoo - and it was a great success.  I gave it all I had the entire Launch Week culminating with my official launch.  What I wasn't prepared for was the emotional low that followed.  You see I had been high octane behind the scenes for 3 months.  Growing three businesses and self publishing a book ain't no joke!  Even now, I don't know how I did it all - even with help.  I was P-U-S-H-I-N-G hard to get this baby out and once it was over I felt relief.  I could finally go to bed at a decent hour.  I could breathe.  Still, I hit a real low.  I didn't expect it quite honestly.  I thought that the work I had done with my Business Strategist and the products and services we had put together would be enough for me to move efficiently on the other side.  I was wrong.

Fatigue grabbed me in a way I wasn't prepared for.  Coaching doesn't exempt anyone from life's highs and lows.  That's why I believe that coaches need coaching.  Ants of old feelings, old insecurities are always scouting out a picnic and boy did my book launch spread a culinary buffet that attracted a proportionate amount of ants! I definitely have the gift to coach others.  I don't doubt that at all.  Neither do I doubt that it is my calling.  I do understand that your treasure comes out of where you have been afflicted.  That makes it more emotionally difficult to navigate sometimes without support.  Those lulls, those feeling of underachieving, those feelings of overwhelm will march right up on your picnic blanket and up your leg.  Believe you me, all of that happened day two after the launch.

It was that eery silence.  You know, that silence after a tornado has touched down.  That post partum low after giving birth.  I was so caught up in the swirl of all the activity of Launch Week and the energy of that final push to the finish line that I minimized how I'd feel the days following.  

I thought that getting a much-needed rest in New Orleans was the answer.  The trip was lovely in fact.  Just the same, I've not been able to avoid this bottomed out, drained feeling.  I was very concerned at first.  I prayed for guidance.  I looked at all the prizes, updates, and post launch to do's and had to will myself to do small things lest I should get overwhelmed with this crying new baby that I was left alone with and knew absolutely nothing about how to care for.  I lamented over getting so swept up that I overrode the whisper of my authenticity and paid the price later.  Being a new author is a great reward but it's also like being a new parent.

Contained in these moments is a lesson.  I'm not assuming what it is.  It'll continue to unfold and my perspective will grow along with it.  Right now, I've decided not to fight it.  

My boyfriend was my sounding board last night.  What I love about men is that they can't just listen unless you tell them that's what you need.  I didn't need him to just listen this time.  He did exactly what I needed.  He began to reflect back to me what I was saying in an effort to understand how I was feeling.  While doing that, he put on his problem solving hat and surveyed the situation.  What it did was beckon me out of isolation and tapped my ability to do what I do best - engage.  Collaboration stirs my creativity.  

I'm not all the way out of this frump.  I'm in this new space with new furniture and a new baby.  My challenge is not to come out of it.  It's to stay in it.   I'm sharing about it, praying about it and trusting that just as Winter seasons allow time for reflecting regrouping and reinventing, there's purpose to this space.  I'm listening for wisdom and I'm looking through the boxes.  I'm figuring out which box to unpack first and figuring out whether this new baby needs a diaper change or a bottle. I will figure out how to take care of this new baby, my new book, The Sound of My Life.  I will figure out how to live in this new space called being an author.  And I will embrace my new body. The one that no longer fits in my old clothes.  The sound of my voice will guide me.