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The Desire Behind the Want

posted Nov 14, 2014, 12:14 PM by Suzette Vearnon   [ updated Mar 13, 2015, 8:54 AM ]
One of the things I tend to do, when wrestling with what I want, is to ask myself: What do you want?  What do you really want? What do you really, really want?  And the biggy:  What is the desire behind what you want?

I know that seems like a painstaking way to arrive at the desire, but most times our desires are buried underneath so much stuff.  Emotional baggage piled on top of our hearts.  Penetrating that stuff is key.  

Nothing gets to the heart of desire like planning a wedding.  Originally, I said to my fiance, small, family, at the house.  Over these 6 months of planning, however, it has grown to 50 family and friends at a 5-star hotel.  Picking florists, shopping for the dress, a theme and colors, and hotel accommodations have been the unexpected swell of our nuptial energy.  

At first I was baffled, but then I realized that my first two weddings were a reflection of where I was at the time.  The first was a Cinderella wedding.  It was that dream of the big poofy dress, the Prince Charming and the fanfare that goes along with it.  The second wedding was simple and quiet.  It was more about reuniting our family.  No fluff.

This one is unlike either.  It has a mind of its own!  It's as if my little desire got pushed to the side and the Universe said, "I got this!"  My desire for a healthy love relationship activated something so much bigger than I expected!  Though marriage was not my focus--in fact, I felt pessimistic about it--the Universe knew what lay at the base of my pessimism.  I didn't trust myself.  I didn't trust myself to recognize husband material.  While I was okay to live as boyfriend and girlfriend, the Universe wasn't.  It was the difference between healing and wholeness.  Healing mends the wound.  Wholeness heals the suffering caused by the wound.  Wholeness looked at my pessimism.     

The desire behind the want was for me to be enough.

Likewise, the swell of this wedding is validating my enoughness.  I am enough for a man to spend the rest of his life with.  What this taught me is to be open and willing to step into the river and allow the flow to take me where It chooses.  That takes courage.  When my fiance proposed, I had a choice.  I could remain on the riverbank or step into the river.  I'm so glad I joined him in the river!  Wholeness was waiting for me there!