My Blog‎ > ‎

Speaking The Truth In Love

posted Aug 22, 2013, 4:34 AM by Suzette Vearnon   [ updated Aug 22, 2013, 4:34 AM ]

With my new perspective, the first thing I decided to do was to have a moment of communion.  Not check emails or posts to Facebook, but to have a moment of meditation and reflection.  Nothing better than Oprah and Deepak's 21-Day Meditative Challenge to center you before you start your day.  Sadly, I'm one day  So my challenge is response to Day 21: 

I fearlessly speak my truth with love.
Today we invite you to try a conscious communication practice rooted in the Buddhist tradition. Before you speak, ask yourself these four questions: Is what I’m about to say kind? It is true? Is it necessary? Does it improve upon the silence? If you can answer yes to all four questions, then your words will resonate with authenticity and love. Consider posting these four questions somewhere you will see them each day, maybe adding them to the wallpaper on your phone. Each carefully delivered communication will provide you with abundant blessings.
What is boggling my mind is the fact that, though I just read this challenge a few minutes ago, on the day that I should have read it, I had to fearlessly speak my truth with love.  Someone had offered to provide a service to me.  The person came highly recommended.  However, what she provided didn't have the quality that I had expected. 
Although I was frustrated - I think it was the fight between speaking the truth and not wanting to hurt the person's feelings - I was forthcoming with her about my dissatisfaction.  I asked my boyfriend if I handled her appropriately.  He said that I did.  He said I was clear without being mean spirited. 
I haven't always been this way.  I would either speak too harshly and feel guilty about it.  Or I would talk myself out of confronting the issue at all, preferring to simply say "this isn't working" or "something has come up so that I can no longer use your services."  Now that I've matured some - at least I hope so - I realize that it is not fair to that person to simply disconnect without giving them the love.
The in love part is what I've been working on.  Certainly, we don't want to hurt another's feelings.  For so many years, I had it wrong.  I thought loving someone meant not speaking the truth.  It meant sparing them hurt feelings.  Not true, for the cost to myself was mounting frustration.  Though I tried to hide it, I'm sure the person felt the shift in energy.  Though we might have never said a word, they felt the negative energy and the punch in our responses.  When we speak the truth in love, we are offering our highest selves.  The other person is getting the best of who we are.  When we don't, we've checked out or punked out.  
Deepak gives us the litmus test for whether the truth we are about to speak is grounded in love.  Is it kind?  Is it true?  Is it necessary?  Does it improve upon the silence?    Today, I will meditate on this and hold myself accountable to ask myself these questions before answering.