My Blog‎ > ‎

Release and Move Forward

posted Jul 2, 2014, 11:23 AM by Suzette Vearnon   [ updated Mar 13, 2015, 9:03 AM ]
I honestly think this is life's message to me this beautiful Wednesday morning:  release and move forward.  Storms arise.  Disappointments come.  Things change.  It is all a part of Something Grander at work in our lives.  Do we discount the Carolina blue skies of today because of the torrential rains of yesterday?  No.  We don't brood over rain-soaked clothes.  We take them off and put on dry ones.

Fueling my post partum since the birth of my twin book babies has been disappointment.  I was disappointed at those who said they were coming and didn't and those who didn't say anything at all.  I was disappointed at what I have dubbed a Category 5 hurricane that happened concurrent with my book launch.  Problem after problem, setback after setback, challenge after challenge beat up on me with the relentlessness of gale force winds.  I'm not exaggerating.  I've lived through many storms of life but this one came at me with a fierceness that sets it apart from the others.  What was suppose to be simple and celebratory was thrown off its hinges.  Even those who were innocently involved experienced some type of turbulence. 

Rain supports life, but tropical storms gone rogue shake up everything that is not nailed down.  If it were as simple as going to a new level, you could get on the elevator of life and move freely from one floor to another.  You could easily visit those on other floors or meet in some common area in between.  It's not the same when what has happened is a metamorphosis.  The resistance will either kill you or reveal you.

A butterfly cannot return to the cocoon he burst out of neither can he control what happened before it.  It was wired into his DNA that he would one day spin a cocoon that would isolate him and that he would ultimately have to fight his way out of.  It's tough.  Without warning, nature calls and removes him from those he's eaten with and found a sense of family with.  His body, once squirmy with aliveness becomes rock hard.  He can't get out!  Observers think that he is trapped forever and there is nothing left to hope for until that faithful day when his wings break him free.    

I think that when Life brings us to that point, there is no going back.  As much as we love folks and try to act like nothing is different, something is different.  We are different.  We didn't plan it but Something Greater than us had it in its plans all the time.  We rejoice at how brilliantly colored and beautiful the butterfly is.  The sad reality however is that butterfly will never ever ever be a caterpillar again.  What was will never be again.     

I think that's why I go through a period of grief and a profound sense of loss at every pivotal moment in life.  I don't know exactly why but I tend to hold tightly to folks I've felt a connection with.  If I love you, it is very very hard for me to let go.  Maybe that's why something has to explode to pry my fingers loose.  It's been hard since the launch.  I've walked around functional yet fragile for weeks.  Meditation seemed only to compound it until today.  Today, I feel life stirring inside this cocoon-like existence. 

This is the truth that colors my newly-formed wings and the strength that I feel in them.  I have great memories of love, camaraderie and kinship.  I will always be grateful for it.  But the truth is though the caterpillar and the butterfly might meet on the same leaf, share some laughs and a hug, only one will fly away.  Likewise, I have to release what once was. 

I now have the answer to the question I've asked God for weeks.  Why?  Why didn't my launch turn out to be the "evening of connection" I envisioned?  Why the knocks coming from all sides?  Why?  Some might rush to pin this on the devil but Life has taught me better.  It was God-inspiredly necessary to strengthen the person who is emerging.  I see.  I hear.  I hear the sound of the soul behind the voice.  The soul that says "don't put me in a box."  It's time to stop grieving what it wasn't and see what it was.  It's time to celebrate my brilliantly colored wings ready to take me to heights never before possible. 

This blog isn't just about me lest you should think so.  It is for all of you who are going through turbulence.  Perhaps you were minding your own business when a storm came from nowhere and tore your world up.  Perhaps you were simply obeying the call to authentic living and instead of it bringing you release, it is holding you by the throat.  It is my hope that those who read this post will get strength in your wings.  That you'll look at your life with renewed vision and see wings of liberation forming to break you out.  That you will take off your rain-drenched garments and put on dry clothes.  That you will release and move forward.