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A Full Circle Moment

posted Jul 3, 2013, 7:23 AM by Suzette Vearnon   [ updated Jul 3, 2013, 7:23 AM ]
This morning, I got a call from my mom.  She wanted to tell me she finished reading my book.  I was delighted but felt a twinge of apprehension because of my first chapter.  "I'm sorry that I hurt you," she said. 
I have to admit that I was conflicted about my mom reading my book.  I didn't want to come across as a bitter angry daughter or that my mom was a terrible mother.  Not at all.  She was so warm in her apology and required no explanation, still I wanted her to know my purpose in writing what I wrote.  It wasn't that I still had a wound from that time.  Did I mention it was 40 years ago?  That chapter was more reflective.  I wanted my readers to know my backstory.  Everyone can point to an incidence where their lives changed and this was mine.  So many times, however, we internalize the incidence and disconnect from the truth about ourselves.  It hijacks our brains and tells us that we are the problem so we cast our vulnerability into prison and place a guard in front. 
My book talks about that day that I split and ceased to be whole.  That was the day the sound went out. 
I knew she didn't mean to hurt me.  Our parents seldom do.  They are only reacting, or in my mom's case, being true to what she believed at the time.  This, I clarified with my mom reassuring her that she didn't owe me an apology or anything.  I have to say as a sidebar though, just her calling to apologize says so much about her character.  We talked so easily.  She was so revealing.  "When I read it the first time, I didn't understand it," she admitted.  "But when I read it again, I understood it."  She said that she too had done things because she was told she was suppose to.  "It wasn't what I wanted though," she said.  
What a gift, a special gift, when your parent can look at something they did through your eyes and simply say, "I'm sorry."  That makes me stand a little firmer and walk a little taller.  This was a full circle moment.   Two matured women - a mother and a daughter - speaking candidly with love and grace.  Thanks mom!